I don’t want to let go, but I have to.
I don’t really have anywhere to go and say how things really are because truth be told i’m trying to convince myself that this is okay and I know it is but I can’t get my heart to. I only run here because I know no one really reads it honestly and it’s usually just a rant on how much I really don’t like myself. Well I still don’t like myself to a point but I guess this is just a bottle up item that needs to be released somehow. Most people know when they’ve found the one, well I guess thats where i’m not included in the most people because I always seems to underestimate things. I love to hard and see the good in everyone but I can’t anymore. I can’t have strength taken from me so I can make someone else strong because I need it for myself. I’m too generous to do something like that and I love doing it but sometimes there has to be a limit. I thought everything was planned through, but when things don’t go someone else’s way is when you start to see the real deal. I wish it didn’t take this long for me to figure all of this out. I take forever to really realize things and honestly it takes me through so much pain just to figure it out. It sucks but it only makes me stronger. It sucks to know that you can’t love me the way I love you, because i gave you all of mine. Now how the hell am I supposed to love anyone else? I ponder upon this question often because I just can’t ever stand to think that there could possibly be someone else or that no one will understand me. But the truth is, you never did any of that. I didn’t see between the lines, I was the line. I thought you knew me but friends don’t destroy their friends or do what people tell them because you feel a certain way about them. A friend is a friend no matter what. I can’t take this roller coaster anymore because I have had enough rides that I am getting sick. It doesn’t quite make sense in my head because I just can’t wrap my finger around the fact that this is it. This is done. This is goodbye, not just a see ya later. Once again I have to leave for school without even a see ya later. As hard as that sounds it’s what has to be done and whether I like it or not I just have to keep strolling through. It took a chunk of me, but I can’t keep giving my whole self to someone who won’t even give me a chunk of them. I may feel useless but all I know is I don’t deserve what you did to me and I will continue to remind myself that this healthy choice is right whether I like it or not..